The World is your Lobster (part 4)

Risk and the 10,000 hour rule
Change vs commitment

Things are different these days.

It used to be that you would leave school and enter a career, or a course of study and that would be the thing that you would do for the rest of your life. It seems that, these days, people can and do have several jobs or careers throughout their lives. You can study one thing...take a gap year and do another...then get a job for a few years in another...after that, who knows? There are more options, easier transitions and more plentiful resources for whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it.

I think the key is finding the balance between change and commitment. In this world where there are new options presented with every corner you turn, it is far too easy to give up on something and go to the next thing. Having said that, it is also easy to stay in a job that is slowly destroying your soul just because you are scared to change.

Strumhor B&B
www.strumhor.co.uk

When my mum was in her fifties, she gave up a career in teaching, which she had been doing for about 30 years, to run a bed and breakfast. She was a good teacher, but after a while, it just didn't excite her, so she left her job and worked towards the one thing that she had always wanted to do. She was a good teacher, but she is a great B&B owner. Strumhor B&B, under the Connel Bridge is beautiful. The rooms are comfortable, the home made bread is the best smell to wake up to and the conservatory provides some awesome views. I love this place. And my mum is happier than I ever saw her when she was teaching. 

Sometimes, change is ok. More than ok. Sometimes change is necessary.

I also know of people who have jumped around from career to career. As soon as one job gets too hard, or they have a bad day, or they feel a little bored, they look for the next thing.

I have to admit, I've been tempted by this. 

The times when I most want to change careers are the times when I feel like I'm not a good physio, when it just feels like there is too much to know and I've just scratched the surface. I hate not being amazing at my career. I hate feeling not good enough. In those times, I've looked at many options: going into research, completely retraining in costume design or journalism, stepping into a management role.

And maybe someday, that will be there right thing, but I've recently been reminded of the 10,000 hour rule - a rule that states that the key to success in anything is practising it for 10,000 hours*. Being in the middle of that 10, 000 hours is difficult, but if you want to get anywhere, if you want to be successful, it's key.

So, find your balance. Don't quit because it's too hard or you have a bad day, but also, don't avoid change because it's too risky or you're too scared.

*Malcolm Gladwell in the book, "Outliers" 

The world is your lobster (part 3)

What we hear and when to listen

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

When you're trying to make up your mind about your career, or the next step in your life, there will be many people who are willing to give you their opinions. With some of them, it won't be so much willing, as forceful. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has advice...and you will get to hear it all. The important question is, "who will you listen to?"

Parents. Friends. Teachers. Society. Spouses. Talk show hosts. The neighbour's cat...all of them, to some extent may try to influence your choices and tell you what they think. And sometimes, that's what you need, what you want. But sometimes, it throws a distracting arrow onto an already confusing signpost.

When you're deciding whose advice to take and who to listen to, I think there are two main things to consider: how invested is this person in me and my future (and as a result, how much do they care) and how affected will this person be by my decision? 

For example, society may want you to fit into its mould of becoming a rich, successful business owner perhaps, but society doesn't really care who you are and in the grand scheme of things, isn't really affected by your decision. On the other hand, if you consider your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, they are a part of your day to day life and hopefully your future life, and as a result, they care about who you are, what you do and what it means for you. If they are a part of your life, your decision will also affect their life. So, what you hear from them deserves more time than the messages you get from society.

When I was at school and at the stage of deciding what I wanted to study at university, I felt quite a strong push from teachers. I wanted to do something in health/medicine. My thoughts were that I wanted to be a speech therapist or a physio. But I got good grades, grades that were high enough to get me in to study medicine. And that is the direction that I was pushed in. Because, frankly, it looked better for my school to have a past pupil who was a doctor than a physio. They were affected (although only a little affected) by my decision but not really invested in it, not for the right reasons anyway.  

It's good to get advice, but be aware of the motives behind it. Ask advice from people you trust, people you know are invested in helping you get to where you want to be.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

Joan Rivers

The World is your Lobster (Part 2)

Is there a career I'm designed for?

If you look online for advice on finding a career, you will find a lot of articles and even the odd quiz that tell you how to find the RIGHT career, the job that you were meant to do.

As a side note, I decided to do one of these quizzes. 

Amongst the list of my ideal careers were a mobile 

heavy equipment mechanic, 

a  heating and air conditioning installer 

and a transportation equipment painter.

Um, what?!?

Is there a right career for each of us? Something that we are meant to do for the rest of our lives? 
What, then, if we miss our calling or go down the wrong path?
What if we end up doing something we hate? 
What if we could be amazing at one thing, but miss the boat or choose the other thing, at which we are only mediocre?

What if? 

It's an easy thing to think. But it is completely counter productive, at any stage. If you are trying to decide on a course of study or a career, you will tie yourself up in knots if, at every decision you come close to, you second guess yourself, wondering if there could be something better. And if you're in the middle or approaching the end of your career, if you are thinking about what could have been if you had just done this or that, you will drive yourself crazy.

I believe I'm fairly well suited to being
a professional cat cuddler

There are a couple of things I'm trying to say here. Firstly, don't over think it - if there is something you're interested in, that you think you could enjoy and be good at go for it. Don't always look for something better. Secondly, it's not too late. If get a few years into your job and realise you hate it and you're not very good at it, that's ok. Change may not be easy, but that doesn't mean it's not possible

I think there are some things that make us more suitable to some careers. For example, if you don't like working with people, don't become a physio. If you don't like animals, don't become a vet. If you don't like conflict, don't become a lawyer. If you're not good with numbers (or calculators), don't become an accountant. And if you're tone deaf, don't become an opera singer!
But I don't think there is just one career that is specifically designed for each person. There may be a lot of things you could flourish in and that could benefit others, but don't waste your time looking for the absolute perfect fit. There probably isn't one. Every job will have good and bad days.

Make your choice and do it well.
If it doesn't work out, that's ok, try another option.

But no more "what ifs" please.

The World is your Lobster (Part 1)

What we do and why it matters

Doctor. Nuclear physicist. Teacher. Circus performer. Dog groomer. Plumber. Bee keeper. Private investigator. Tattoo artist. Ice cream van driver. Crime scene cleaner....

The list goes on, the options are plentiful and there is something to suit even the craziest of personalities (professional skydiving, anyone?) So, how on earth can we even begin to decide what we're going to do with our days. And why does it matter? Why do we even have to work? And if we do, can't we just do something that pays the bills, enough for us to enjoy the other parts of our lives?

The average human spends 91250 hours working in a lifetime. That's a lot of hours, so surely it's important to work out what we actually want from those 91250 hours. Money? Growth? Fun? Ladders to climb? Relationship? New experiences?

Me, working, very hard

People say they want to work to live, not live to work, but the fact is that, whatever way you put it and whatever your motivations, you're probably going to have to work for a significant proportion of your life.

We are not made to be idle. In my job, I see a lot of people who have been off work for significant amounts of time because of injuries. Most of them enjoy the first couple of days off work, after which, they start to mildly lose their minds.

We are made for stimulation, productivity, challenges, interactions, growth.

With the amount of time we spend at work, it has a huge influence on who we are and how we live. On the way we see things. On the way we treat people. On our energy, health and mood. On the decisions we make. So it is worthwhile making sure that we're in a place that affects those things in a good way. If your job makes you tired and grumpy and that then makes you avoid people or be plain rude to them, maybe it's not the right one for you. If your job excites you and fulfills you, chances are life will be much better for you and those around you.

So, I know I haven't told you what you should do to find that excitement and fulfillment, but this has to be the first step: realising that what you do matters, so answer a few questions for me...how do you feel about your job? What kind of person are you when you're doing your job? Is your job leading you to where you want to go?

The answers to those questions may give you an idea of  where you are and where you should be.

The world is your lobster

When I was growing up, I knew my life would be broken up into three stages: school, university and the rest of my life. The rest of my life: that 40 odd years when I would be working in a career that I had to decide on when I was 17.

Ten (ish) years later, I'm reassessing that whole concept. Because now, I'm still not really sure what I want to do with "the rest of my life".

At that age, I decided that I was going to study physiotherapy. To be honest, I didn't put a great deal of thought into it. I sort of wanted to have a health related career, but I didn't want to be a doctor, and I wanted to do a degree that led to one career, so that I wouldn't have to make more decisions after I finished university.
With those thoughts in mind, the forms were filled out and the process started.

Ten years down the line and I almost feel like I'm back at the start, back at the decision making stage. ........And it's got me thinking.......

 How do we decide what to do with our lives? Why does it even matter? Is there something we are meant to do or designed to do? 

I want to take a few blog posts to look at this because it's a huge topic and deserves some attention. So, watch this space over the next few days; I'll look at commitment vs change, the things that affect our choices and which of them matter, how we work and study in a healthy way and why this is all so important. If you have anything related to this that you think needs to be discussed, feel free to post a comment (on here or facebook) and we'll get things going (love a bit of audience participation!)

With regard to the title...I have a good friend, who will remain nameless for the sake of his dignity. He is a really smart guy, really. When he was leaving school, he was discussing the future with his headmaster (feel free to correct me on that, mate ;) and told his headmaster that the world was his lobster. Close. Lobsters, oysters, all the same, right? (Thanks for the inspiration).

There is a huge world out there, with more options than ever. Oysters, lobsters, starfish, dolphins, whatever...we have choices to make. If you're in that place, even if you're not right now, I hope the next few posts will make you think a bit, help you see the options that are there for you, help you see the things that matter. Watch this space...

What is your foundation made of?

A man gets stuck in a pit. He's not sure how he got there, but is sure that he is stuck. 
When he looks up, he can see the daylight, but he can't see an easy way to get to it. When he looks down, he sees loose ground. 

He is a fit man, a healthy man and he is a man with two choices. 

One: He can sit down and stay there. As he sits, he is filled with a cross between boredom and panic and frustration and regret and fear. At first, they are manageable, just about bearable, but as time goes on, those things start to eat him up, to play on his mind, eventually sending him into a frenzy. He starts to dig, to shovel with his bare hands, desperately trying to find the end, the solid surface, the way out. After a while, the daylight gets further and further away and all he sees, all he knows is the darkness around him.
Or, two: he can use his hands to climb. He can use any roots or stones as footholds and he can use all the strength he can muster to pull himself towards the light. When he reaches the top, he collapses at the surface, catching his breath, with a smile on his face that says, "ah, light, freedom, breath, solid ground." And now that he is out of the pit, he wonders anxiously about how to stop himself falling in again.

There have been times when I've felt like I'm in a pit. Most of the time I haven't known how I got there and in those times, it's been a long struggle back. Some times, I have sat there for months, making my home in the pit, ignoring people who want to throw me a rope, kicking at the ground, saying "it's not fair". And it's taken a fight from deep within, a change of circumstances, the right person at the right time.

Since I got offered the publishing contract a few weeks ago, I've been floating slightly off the ground. I've been delighted, thrilled, excited. And scared. Scared that when the exciting feeling fades, I could go back into the pit.

I always seem to be aware of it when good things happen, when circumstances make me smile, because I think I'm aware of how temporary those things can be. And I don't want to live life from high to high, dream to dream, only being up when something good happens. Because that is a shaky ground to walk on. 

I want to have a more firm foundation, a foundation that is on more than good news and fun times. I want it to be based on faith, hope, joy, love...permanent things...things that remain.

I think that's a choice. I think those are things that are always there, always on offer, but  we have to choose whether we want them and how much we let them form our foundation. If we have a foundation based on how other people treat us, how many friends we have, how we look, even how we feel, we are going to encounter a lot more pits that are a lot harder to climb out of.

The more solid the foundation we choose, the fewer pits we find ourselves in and the easier it is to pull ourselves up out of them when we do find ourselves there. 

Choose the important things, the firm things, the things that remain when all else fades. 

Fire (burn, baby, burn)

I had been staying on a sugar cane farm in South Africa for several months before I actually saw a cane fire. Mostly because they tended to be lit early in the morning, when I tended to be in bed. When I did manage to drag myself out of bed for my first cane fire, I was overwhelmed.

During the harvesting season, the farmers would burn patches of the cane to get rid of the extra bits (the green and dry leaves), to make it easier to harvest.

The farmer would light the fire, starting with just a couple of matches, around the edges of the section and within a matter of minutes, the fire would take off, with the flames racing to the centre of the section to fight for oxygen.

The first time I watched a fire, it was from the top of the water tanker (a key component for controlling the fire!) I remember the feeling of awe as the heat from the closest flames flooded over my previously freezing skin. What started as a small crackle echoing in the chilly night air, quickly became the sound of hundreds of fireworks giving off oppressive heat. The line of fire travelled quickly through the section, forming a barrier between the burnt and the yet to be burnt. It made a difference: from what was there before to what was left. Within such a short period of time, the section of cane had been transformed from leafy, green, living plants to a scorched, brown expanse. And it was ready. 
From a field full of detail and substance, it was broken down into something that could be harvested.

I've always been a little bit scared of fire. Maybe that came from seeing the scars of many of the farmers. The power of the fire scares me, its ability to bring change, the speed at which it spreads.

But, how I want to be like it. 

Not just my writing, but in my life. 

Each of us has something in us that has the power to change. Each and every one of us. 

For me, I think it's the ability to use my experiences to help and heal and encourage and grow people. And I don't want to keep it to myself; I want to stand up and light that fire. I want it to be visible for miles around. I want to take what I have and I want it to spread. I want to form a line between the impacted and the yet to be impacted. And I want that line to move as if it is desperately chasing oxygen. 

What do you have? What is the power in you? How can you impact the world, starting with those closest to you? This is not just for some of us, it's for all of us. But how far you want your fire to spread is up to you.