Faith or Foolishness

I'm in the process of making some big decisions. When I say big decisions, I mean "complete turnaround, no turning back, are you in or out, letting go of all life as you know it, stepping into the unknown" decisions. Let me tell you a little about my thoughts over the last few months. Well, I guess that actually, it's been years in the making.

Ever since my second year of university, I have known that I don't really want to spend the rest of my life being a physiotherapist. I don't hate it, but I have always had an inkling that it's not what I'm made for. It's not what makes me come alive. My problem, the reason that I have stayed in it is that I haven't really known what I actually want to do. I have known what my passions are, I have had glimpses of the things that make me come alive, but they have never seemed to come coherently into a career or a purpose. I mean, what do you do when you love writing but don't want to be a journalist, when you're fascinated by people but don't want to spend all day every day with them, when you're interested in the theory of health but aren't necessarily gifted at putting it into practise, when you love learning about other cultures especially first hand?

I can't tell you how I came across Medical Anthropology. I can't actually remember. All I know is that, from the instant I discovered it, it's got me hooked. I'll save you a google search and tell you what it is...basically, it's the study of how health and healthcare are affected by culture. And it combines the things that I'm interested in. I started researching it further: places I could study it, what that would involve, what I would need to do. And I started the ball rolling...

So, the last couple of months have involved filling out application forms, finding my degree certificate, asking old lecturers to write references, making enquiries about funding and a little bit of freaking out!

This morning, I got an acceptance from Edinburgh University. It's exciting! It's terrifying! It would involving moving (back) to the other side of the world after six years in New Zealand. It would involve leaving an amazingly supportive and enjoyable work environment. It would involve saying goodbye to friends who have helped hold me together. It would involve (temporarily or permanently) giving up working as a physio. And it would involve A LOT of money (we're talking about just about enough to put a deposit on a house, just for the uni fees).

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. I feel ready to take a step off it, but what I'm wondering is, is that faith or foolishness? 

I am trying to work out if this huge step is brave or stupid. 

This is a Master's course that lasts for a year. After that, I'm not sure. At the moment, I feel like I won't actually know the next step until I take the first one. From the outside, I could see why many would think I am foolish...giving up a life I have built in a place where I am comfortable, with a stable job to pay a large amount of money to move to another city to study something that doesn't have a defined career at the end of it. Am I crazy? But on the flip side, just filling out the application forms has made me excited about it. 

When I look over the edge of the cliff, I see the darkness of uncertainty, 

but I also see the light of possibility that is shining through it.

Do you think you should take a risk just because it feels right? Is that faith? Or is it foolishness?
(This is not a rhetorical question...any thoughts are appreciated.)

What the world needs

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. 

Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. 

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

 Howard Thurman

I spent Saturday afternoon with my good friend, Kay, starting to make a video to publicise my book when it finally comes out. The afternoon involved rolling balls of yarn, filming with an iPhone controlled by an iPad, working out how to make a question mark shadow and setting up a mini studio in Kay's lounge. 
It was not straight forward. It involved going where no ball of yarn had gone before, and I'll admit, I was a little lost. I knew what it was we trying to do. I had no idea how to do it. Kay, on the other hand, was in her element: running around with tape and cardboard and really large sheets of paper and camera equipment. If there was a problem, I could see the cogs turning until the problem was fixed.

There is something inspiring and encouraging in watching someone come alive doing the thing they love.

What do you love? What makes you come alive? Think about it...and don't just give the answers you think you should give or the answers you think would be expected from you. What is it that really makes your eyes light up and the cogs in your head start turning?

Is it talking to people? Playing rugby? Knitting? Looking after kids? Learning? Reading? Thinking big thoughts? Working out ways to make the big thoughts become reality? Cooking? Making money? Solving problems? 

I knew it was writing for me one Sunday afternoon. Sundays used to be my writing time. After a family Sunday roast, I would go to my room and start writing. At that stage, I was writing about my experiences in South Africa. I would write and write and write and I wouldn't notice the time go by. One Sunday, all I remember is looking at my clock and seeing that it was 9pm and I had no idea where the day had gone. I had been writing for about seven hours and loving every second of it.

I've tried to fit myself into little boxes where I think my passions should belong. As a physio, I should love listening to people's problems, I should love fixing them, I should be a problem solver. But honestly, more often than not, I struggle with those things. They don't, in any way, come naturally and they definitely don't make me come alive. I wish they did. It would make my job so much more enjoyable if they did. And for so many people, those things are the things that make them come alive. But the box they're so comfortable in is one I cannot squeeze myself into. 

Especially lately, I've seen that I actually love to learn and I love to use my writing in that. If there is something I am passionate about, I can easily sit down and write an essay or an article about it. 
I've been filling out application forms for universities over the last week (more details to come on that!) and that involves writing personal statements about why I want to study this course. It involves writing essays about current issues. It involves writing research questions. And I've actually been loving it! It makes me dream, it makes me see possibilities, it makes me see ways that I can make a difference. It makes me see that I don't have to try to fit myself into someone else's box - there is one designed for me.

And honestly, I think I am going to be of far more use to the world doing that than I am as a physio, because there is passion behind it, there is a desire to make a difference, there are dreams of changing the world. 

But that's me. I think the world needs me to learn, to research, to write. What does the world need you to do? Maybe it needs you to sing. Maybe it needs you to travel. Maybe to take photos. Maybe to play football. Maybe to make new friends. Maybe to make videos with balls of yarn.

What makes you come alive? 
DO THAT! 

That is what the world needs. 

What can I do: Give

You probably knew this one was coming, right? So, if you got past the title, well done, please stick with me a little longer.

You've probably all heard the statistics about wealth, about how much we, in the developed world have, about how little those in the developing world have. I'm sure you've all seen the appeals: the ads on TV, the emails.

And I'm sure a lot of you find it pretty easy to ignore. 

I'm not going to try to make you feel guilty about that. That's not my goal here. Frankly, if you don't want to give anything, I know that nothing I say will change that. So, I just want to tell you some things about giving, things I've learned.

1. I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is

"I'll do it when I have more". 

When I'm not a student, when I'm not paying off a loan, when I'm not saving for a house or travel, when I have a better job. But, I can almost guarantee that if you don't start with however little you have, you won't start when you get a bit more, or a bit more, or a bit more. Because when will it be enough?

2. You can't give to everything. There are opportunities to give to orphans, to animals, to earthquake victims, to tsunami survivors, to refugees,to the blind, to hospitals. The options are as numerous as the problems in the world. And maybe that's one of the things that stops you. What should you give to? There's no right answer to that question, just as there's no answer to "how much should I give?" What do you care about? What are the issues that make you angry? What are the things that you want to see gone from the world? If you don't know, start thinking about it - start reading the news articles, start finding out what the issues are. If that doesn't motivate you to give, I don't know what will.

3. Keep your eyes open to what's around you. You might find that there are people in your town, in your neighbourhood, maybe even in your friendship group, that need your financial help. Just because they can't develop big advertising campaigns and may not even ask for help, doesn't mean they don't need it. 

I've done a little research and here are some sites worth looking at. There are many, many more, but I don't want to overwhelm you with a million options that you'll never look at, so here are just three sites that are worth a glance.

Charity Navigator
...this is an American site, but is useful to look at how charities rate in terms of how much donated money goes directly to those who need it, accountability, transparency etc. I just like the thought that giving doesn't have to be blind, that you can know what exactly is happening to your money.

Kiva 
...micro finance is fast becoming recognised as an effective way to give money to people who need it. It usually involves giving small loans to entrepreneurs who don't have access to banking so they can set up their business and lift themselves out of poverty. With Kiva, 100% of the money you donate goes towards the loans, which can be to farmers who need to buy fertiliser or seamstresses to buy a sewing machine or drivers to repair their vehicles.

World Vision NZ 
...World Vision in NZ has a similar programme. You can donate $25 towards a loan, which can get used over and over again. Because it is a loan, once the entrepreneur has made money with their business, they must repay the loan and then your money can be put into the next loan.

There are so many options and really, it's easy.

You can make a difference just sitting in front of your computer.